Sunday, April 19, 2015

Do you believe in 2nd chances?

So I know I have been remiss in my blogging effort here but I am going to try to be better HAHAHA! laughed hysterically the Mother of 4 with 2 home businesses and a singing career. But.... I am going to be better about telling my story because after the events of the past 4 years i have decided life is too short and unpredictable to let any time go to waste! I have been getting back into my singing the last 3 years and recently applied for an amazing opportunity to sing in ROME ITALY!! YES..... ROME! OK.... ok from the beginning. As I said before I am a mother of 4. What I need to mention that as a singer usually pregnancy is hard enough considering the core support is shot, your breath control is constantly under attack by random hits and kicks... NOT to mention the damage to my poor esophogas due to morning sickness the ENTIRE 9 MONTHS!!! Yes you read that correctly NOT just the usual 3 months but due to hormone imbalance I got all 9 haha. On top of that All 4 pregnancies were high risk. So... starting and stopping my singing got to be a habit. 2 months after my beautiful daughter and child number 4 was born I was told I had a tumor growing in a very scary place. like " you have a tumor growing" inside you isn't scary enough??? Apparently it was not cancerous but decided to wrap itself from my uterus... around my abdominal aortic valve... and into my abdominal wall. You medically minded people may now breath easy knowing I am alive writing this. For the rest of you that means one of the main valves to my heart was getting squished, blood flow was diminished, brain cells were dying, and feeling as well as control of my lower extremities was lessening.... I was dying. Or at least my doc said I would if I didn't get it removed post HASTE! I was told I had 2 weeks to get my affairs in order and report to the hospital for surgery. With my head spinning.... My heart thumping irregularly and for the first time in my life... LOUDLY, I started cleaning my house! HAHAHAHA I know retarded right? But this is me. I get stressed, angry, or confused I clean. The surgery went extremely well due to my Genious robotic surgeon! It did however result in an hysterectomy at at barely 31 years old I was just a bit devastated. I was sent home to recover but NOT carry anything over 15 lbs .. which at this point also included my now 3 month old baby.... yes my LAST baby, walk... more than I could handle (10 steps cry... 10 steps cry...repeat), and absolutely NO housework HAHAHAHA!! But seriously, I went in for a few problems and came out feeling like I had been hit by a freight train and restricted of the only things I knew helped we work out life's problems. The next year was VERY dark for me. I cried constantly because I felt so broken. I didn't know if I would ever be able to get back to normal and FORGET singing. I could barely squeak out a speaking voice most days... maybe sing a hymn or kids song. I wasn't allowed to work out without rehabilitative physical therapy and with that mostly only water therapy! Needless to say I gained weight.. lots of it! I stopped socializing and my husband and I didn't go OUT on dates. I had no idea what to do with myself. Now.. what I should have been focusing on was the fact that I had just been granted a second chance at life right? But I didn't see that yet, all I could see was what I couldn't do anymore. My entire life all I wanted to do was sing. I wanted to be able to sing so beautifully people could feel what I felt. The joy and rapture that consumes my flesh with every note! Music is everything to me! I feel physical pain at the thought of not be able to be a part of music in some way! So the very real possibility of never being able to sing the songs that set my soul aflight was more than I thought I could bare! Of course I was being selfish! I still had a wonderful husband who stayed by me through everything, trying to understand my pain, trying to help... I had 4 beautiful children who cooked and cleaned and took care of me and the the older 3 helped take care of my baby... I had the most amazing friends who loved me and encouraged me every way they could! But I didn't know how to be anything else. I didn't feel like a very good mother, wife or friend, and my entire resume and life revolved around music. I started praying like I had never prayed before.. "please let the passion die so it doesn't hurt so bad!!" I threw myself deeper into my kids home school studies determined to be the BEST teacher and mother ever. I volunteered everywhere I could and found I wasn't terrible at teaching arts and crafts, and I absolutely loved teaching music. I found the 2nd year easier to walk and started walking the neighborhood with my friends again. I still couldn't breath deeply without pain and physical therapy kicked me to the curb! A night out was a BIG ordeal and made me sleep for 2 days straight, but I found I was a human again. I met the most amazing people while in physical therapy who were worse off than me and yet they saw life in such an amazing way! These new found friends taught me how to appreciate and love life again and encouraged me to find my NEW NORMAL. I read every book on healing and mindfulness I could get my hands on and continued to read and reread my music books. I watched operas, went to concerts and really started to change my whole outlook on life. Year 3 after my surgery I started singing again... not well mind you... my breath control was still shot and my voice was still easily worn out, but I was singing my old jazz songs and musical theater. 6 months into my 3rd year my loving husband had a job transfer back up to Idaho. As a family we were thrilled... sad to miss the new friends we had made in Arizona, but happy to be back up north closer to family and friends we had left and in the nice cool weather! Oh and don't get me started on all the BEAUTIFUL trees and fabulous fishing! My husband encouraged me to audition for Opera Idahos resident company... I had been with them years prior and absolutely LOVED the experience! I was terrified! What if I couldn't do it? What if my back gave out our my scars started throbbing or I tired out too easily and I couldn't make it? I started working out harder to build endurance.. especially cardio, and worked for months on 2 songs and only these 2 songs. There were days I wanted to break things knowing how I used to be and was obviously NOT now! But I persisted reminding myself I was a new person now! I had a new lease on life and I had a clean slate! When I auditioned they were very kind and patient and actually complimented me!!! I was ecstatic! Not only did I get in but they enlisted me for the first opera of the season Carmen! It was chorus... but I was singing again!!!! The opportunities kept coming including getting roles as Nella in Gianni Schicchi, and Countess Ceprano in Rigoletto along with many MANY other solo singing gigs! I couldn't believe it! By year 4 all the pain was gone save a few lingering back problems from lack of core strength. I was getting back into shape physically and mentally, and I was able to USE all the knowledge I had gained from over 18 years of training! I met incredible coaches and teachers along the way who have helped me get back to good... and beyond! Now, today holds many new opportunities for me. My wonderfully supportive family.. knowing what music means to me.... encouraged me to fulfill my dreams and apply for training programs that would further my career in Opera. Though I performed on stage my whole life in jazz and musical theater... I had yet to crash through and succeed in the opera world... my first love! I never thought I would make it now being a 35 year old mom Happy with where I found myself but still dreaming about the what ifs? So... I applied. I NOT only got in to Operafestival di Roma but was offered the role of Susanna in Marriage of Figaro! Yeah I'm going to ROME to work with world class teachers and coaches and perform in absolutely Amazing surroundings!! I am excited and nervous but working my head OFF to memorize and prepare so that I can live my DREAM!!! I can only say my prayers now days are all in thanksgiving and unbelief at how amazing my life has turned out. Its still a long road.. but with my family at my side I feel I can accomplish ANYTHING! I am sure you saw the donate now button above and are wondering whats up with that... well Rome is an amazing opportunity but with many bills still to pay we are trying to get together all the funds we will need for me to travel and eat while there. So if you like what you hear on the videos when you look up of me on youtube... Becka Pearce ... and are feeling generous... leave a donation to help me get to Rome. God Bess and thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Mina and the Carina's Quilts

So, a project we started clear back in march is finally finished!!!
between lack of a quilting frame and morning sickness it took long enough. Mina's room is finally transformed into the elegant jungle she always wanted. Just in time to change it again to add her sister in October. haha. Actually, Mina is just going to add Zebra for the baby I think the baby quilt also turned out great! I can't believe my 10 year old has outgrown anything childish, or pink, or girly. sigh.......

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Crochet Hats

I made these cute hats for my little nieces when my sister came to visit. Very simple and quick to make, but OH so cute. just double and single crochet and flowers.

Monday, August 22, 2011

My 2nd child is to be baptized on Sept 17, 2011I cannot believe I am old enough to have 3 kids let alone a 10 year old, an 8 year old and a soon to be 6 year old with one on the way in Oct. We are very blessed with amazingly good, bright, talented children!! Ben has been anxiously awaiting to be baptized since Mina was two years ago. It's finally his turn and it seems that all our great planning was undone by the miraculous surprise of a fourth child this year. instead of travelling up to Utah and having Ben baptized with most our family, we are unable to travel and have to have it here in Arizona. So far only a few family members can make it, but we really will take whatever we can get! I just want Ben to feel special, and know how proud I... we are of him. He is growing into an extraordinary young man. and yes he still has those amazingly long eyelashes and big beautiful brown eyes that get him pretty much anything he wants! ha! Not to mention his innate and exquisite negotiating skills. (I can't imagine where he got that from hahaha!) I am proud.... proud to be a mother. Proud to be a wife. In all my life in the pursuit of feminine rights, I never thought this would be the life I would ultimately want or choose. But... Jason was different than other men I had met. He melted my heart with an over abundance of love and yet kept the respect for my need to individuality. he loved... loves my strong spirit and supports my desires in anything I pursue. He encouraged me to at least finish my associates degree and helped me pursue my Bachelor until for a time it became too much to pursue. He is willing at anytime to help me find a way back knowing my ultimate goal is a doctorate...(kids and timing allowing of course) But in the meantime, he has patiently endured and supported my need of accomplishment and picked up the slack I left while pursuing a career in opera and music. I did love the people I'd met and worked with and will go back someday, but looking at it from the eyes of my children I knew I needed to take a break and be a mom. I never regret that decision. I know many people look at it as a defeat or that I'm giving up and wasting my potential. But... I did not become a mother just to do it halfway. I will not be half in and half out on this job... yes JOB. Motherhood is the most important job a woman can have seeing as we are raising future leaders. I was sick when I realized I was part of a society that no longer cares about morals and values enough to teach them to their own kids. A society that instead of remaining involved in the raising and educating of their children leaves it to television and other electronics, or other people. A society where homes and material things are worth more to them than the relationships of their family. Children do not know their parents because they are placed in daycare from birth, then school, then kicked out to college or whatever, without being properly prepared. But then we as adults are angry they don't turn out the way we expect. How ridiculous! If we are to change this society, we must again become active parents. Children are not dolls to dress up for family pictures once a year and claim on taxes only to be ignored and sent away for the remainder of the time. They are human beings, amazing creations unmatched by anything in the modern science world today! The miracle of their life is obvious alone in the genetic make-up of the body... prevalent in the far advanced functions and the untapped potential of the human brain. Whether we like to admit it or not, these young people are learning everything there is to know about us and our behaviors simply by watching us. They are becoming us, down to our very last flaw. So.. a society that lives with the belief that consequences don't apply to our generation is in turn teaching the younger generation there are no consequences. Eventually leading our society into a downward spiral inevitably leading to a crash of depression era proportions. Surprised? We shouldn't be... history repeats itself again and again. As a human race however, we do have the hope of recovery and again the establishment of morals, values, and industry as well as a renewed sense of responsibility. All this renewal and hope is impossible until people realize the need to return to simplicity. The turning back to our instinctual nature and becoming what we as humans were initially intended for... family grouping. Yes, the basic animalistic structure of families. Parents teaching children proper behavior, fulfilling emotional and physical needs, and preparing them for life as the cycles repeat. Interestingly enough, for any higher brain functions we humans posses over animals you never see the animal kingdom plummet into chaos... without our interference obviously. Yet we as a civilized society crash again and again. It comes down to choice, pure and simply. We choose to ignore common cause and effect, we justify and rationalize, crash, then turn back again to basic instinct only to start the process over time and time again. Anyway, that is my perspective on life take it or leave it. That is why I feel so strongly about being a stay home mother if at all possible, and why I feel such a heavy weight of responsibility upon my shoulders as a mom. Is what I'm doing enough to prepare them for the society they will be dealing with in their generation? Is it enough to help them understand the importance of parenthood and give them the skills they need to become active parents? I won't know until they themselves become the parents.. but I can hope and pray that each day I try... I get one day closer to bettering their future. Each time I make the choice to forgo a selfish desire to teach a principle, or provide for the future generations needs, I teach them how important they really are. Obviously no one is perfect, but at least I know... even if no one else ever sees the importance of my work as a mom.. that what I did for my children had meaning. My sacrifices will not be in vain. I will not be remembered on a plaque, or my name placed on any beautiful architecture, and no one may even remember me after I leave this world. But, hopefully my children will grow with the knowledge that they were loved and they were more important to me than anything else this world had to offer. Hopefully.. that is enough.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Life doesn't always go the way you want it. I know this very well unfortunately from experience. But sometimes life can end up better than you planned because it went that different path. I just woke up this morning and looked around realizing.... My life is completely opposite of all my lofty plans from 12 years ago, and yet I couldn't be happier. No my life is not stress free... HA. But, I never knew I would love being married and a mom this much! I really did marry my best friend who in many ways is my own private superhero... I wish I could draw as well as him so I could illustrate my point haha. Really... I do love being married to my soulmate. And, for anyone who knows my kids... you know I'm not just saying this because I'm their mom... I really do have great kids. They are amazing! Talented, smart, well behaved, responsible, independent, creative, FUN! I do feel bad a lot for all they have had to go through... But I also know it's Gods way of molding them into the amazing people they are meant to become... The amazing people they are! I love them. I am in AWE of them daily. How did I get to be so lucky to be their mom? And why on Earth do they love me so much? haha. I'll take it!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Valentines Day Party

I love baking... not eating... just baking. I know strange for someone not to like sugar cookies and cupcakes. But really... not my favorite. Now, fresh baked cherry pie or chocolate chip cookies? That's another story. I was really glad to volunteer to make cupcakes for Jasons work party and Mina's daddy daughter valentine dance. I got to make these fun and VERY PINK cupcakes. the tops are melted and molded chocolates. obviosly the brown are milk chocolate and the various shades and marbled pinks are white chocolate with food coloring. I actually made double chocolate and vanilla flavored cupcakes but it looks like this only shows the chocolate. We love target for holiday sprinkles. they have new sprinkles for every holiday!!

Of course we made shaped cookies again this year! I think this may be the kids favorite tradition since every year we add a clearance cookie cutter to our collection to use the "next time" haha. Anyway, this year we made chocolate sugar cookies just to try it. I must admit they turned out yummy! But they were softer and more cake like, than chewey in the middle- crunchy on the outside cookie I generally like.Still... there wasn't a crub left on the plate when people were done with them.

Here are the tissue paper pom poms and our lovely decorations... including a christmas light border around the sliding door! Mina of course just ate a candy that dyed her mouth the color of her shirt! haha. Even Ben and Nate got into the fun of decorating all girly like. haha! They punched the mini heart confetti that went on our centerpiece. Don't mind the messy kitchen... we are busy playing!